They should really pass out barf bags in church
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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