Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
