It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize