glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
