i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
