Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
