Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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