I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
