in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize