sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
