You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
