it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
