so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need water and some morals
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
