The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize