if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
