fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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