And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
