fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
