real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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