Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
