she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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