His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
