Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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