I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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