Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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