I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
