We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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