Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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