I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
