I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
