You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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