all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
