NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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