You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
