he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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