Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
