it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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