last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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