Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize