Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
