Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
