I just threw up on my dentist
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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