Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
