Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
