let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
