I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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