Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
