im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
