I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
