Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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