and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize