Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've blown a few things in my day
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i think i just lost a toe
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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