My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
