He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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