I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Randomize
