I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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