I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
