He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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