I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she woke up with a sticky ear
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
