dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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