its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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