Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
