Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
