we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
