Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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