I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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