i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
