i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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